bareboards2 US

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Real Name: Gale Wallis

Member Since: July 3, 2009
Last Power Points used: January 7, 2016
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Comments to bareboards2

poolcleaner says...

Thank you for sharing, as well, bareboards. I can't adequately convey my emotional responses in written communication either, so rather I try to accurately describe something, but then in the process it loses its emotional spark. In which case, I go back and edit in some emotion lololol. But sometimes I edit out the emotion, because I can be off the scales and cause people to worry lol.

Do you personally know anyone along the genderfluid/genderqueer/transgender spectrum? I'm curious how that conversation of yours came about! I know a lot of transgender women and men -- in fact, the first trans* person I met was a transgender man, or FTM (female to male) as he defined it -- but I only know 2 other genderfluids and a handful of people that identify as genderqueer. Of those 2 genderfluid people, 1 is biologically male and the other is biologically female.

I cannot say that genderfluid fully describes my gender identity, but it represents my oscillating gender behavior. How one chooses to appear is merely a representation of their desire to create and change and make their very being an expression of their creative mind. Sadly, creativity of this sort is caught up in the politics and social pressures of gender and confusingly associated with sexual orientation, so it's rarely explored and often mocked by the average person.

I don't know what to think of the term cis-gender tbh. Maybe it's because it describes in a strict sense what I am not... I'm not sure -- But I am a bit of a hermit, so I fully understand that lifestyle. I do go out and mix with people for a certain period of time, but I always retreat back to solitude. Sometimes never returning to places I frequented for months or years at a time. There's an internal clock somewhere inside of me, with a timer, and once that timer goes DING, I'm done and I can no longer flourish in the location I once frequented with my dominating social presence. It sort of scares me and sometimes depresses me. Why do I behave like that? I can't even predict when it will happen -- but it always happens. Regardless of my gregariousness, I often desire solitude.

I value sensitive people, and I believe most people are sensitive as well, but just haven't had the opportunity and courage to claim it and own that as their hereditary right. You're important to our survival by nurturing rather than destroying. Insensitive types tend to be my bane -- it shuts down the part of my brain which cares and puts me into mother protecting baby cubs mode. Sensitivity is an important aspect of our survival as mammals, because it allows us to gauge civil liberty, and determine if others are causing undo suffering, whether mental or physical, to other humans or indeed to all life, period.

Without gaining this level of sensitivity for all life we as a species would end up killing off and displacing other life on the planet, harming the environment through greed and indifference, eventually creating fascist states which judge others merely by our allegiances and characteristics deemed scientifically, or worse, arbitrarily important, such as race, sexual orientation, gender... Wait a minute -- statue of liberty... That was our planet. You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

Honestly, bareboards, I don't feel like a trailblazer. The internet is just a spot to drain my overflow of ideas and help problem solve my internal debates over existence. If there's greater meaning in the process by which I solve my personal issues, cool. If not, well, at least you were entertained by the cosmic equivalent of a confused high school english lit daily journal about existentialism.

"Dear bareboards, I don't get why life is so fleeting and yet we are expected to take it sooooo seriously. Oh my gaaawd... Like whatever, bareboards. I don't even care. But somehow this is all important, I just know it." I don't know if I'm channeling a valley girl or Crispin Glover in River's Edge.

bareboards2 said:

I don't think I can adequately convey how honored I am that you have shared your true self with me.

I was just chatting in a superficial way with someone yesterday about how great it is that folks are embracing the range of "genderfluid" that is present in our species. After so many years of faking it, hiding it, feeling shame about "being different" -- and now, with the internet allowing folks to reach each other, find out they aren't alone, I see a blossoming of individuals that I find heartening.

Yeah. "Boys" don't cry. How fucked up is that? On, like, 8000 different levels?

Although I don't think I am gender fluid (I'm just a hermit) and am a cis-gender woman (the fact that the word cis-gender exists is thrilling!), I did grow up being told that I was "too sensitive." It is worse for biological boys, absolutely -- and it happens to girls, too. It took me decades to find the words -- Hey. I'm not too sensitive. I AM sensitive. And then more decades to learn to really claim it for its strengths it gave me compared to those folks who don't have that skill.

At least I was "allowed" to cry. I am so impressed with your survival strategies in the face of that soul-crushing rule about boys not crying. Truly inspirational.

I am leaving your entire message to me here so that it is not lost to the sift archives. I have developed the habit of deleting all comments on my personal wall -- but I didn't want this one to be lost.

Thanks so much for sharing. Your work in claiming your true self is helping to change the world for the better. Perhaps eventually we can let all these crappy binary straight jackets go, and can all become the people we truly are. You are a trailblazer, my friend.

Aziraphale says...

First off, let me thank you for your kind words, and for engaging thoughtfully and civilly. I really respect anyone who can do that. So first, "poisonous" is probably not the right word, but I did feel like I was being talked down to. Possibly just because I'm oversensitive, or maybe I'm going into it with the notion that I'm going to be offended anyway, I'm not sure. It's not easy for me to put into concise language the nebulous feelings that float around in my brain.

Also, I'm almost certain that if the presenter had been a male, with the same tone, I would have found it equally as off-putting. As I said, thunderf00t is a dude that I mostly agree with, and I find his patronizing attitude to be... unhelpful at best.

In the end, I can't come up with a good rationalization for why the video should be any different. We shouldn't all be emotionless robots, and these issues *should* be talked about, but at the risk of falling into a relative privation fallacy, I think we all should be conscious of the bigger picture when creating content like this.

Cheers.

bareboards2 said:

Thanks for this thoughtful response.

I agree 100% with the idea of catching more flies with honey idea. Treating people with respect. All of that stuff is patently true to me.

However. Of course there is a "however."

I don't agree with the "clearly condescending" assessment. I did not find the delivery condescending in the least. I found it sarcastic and pissed off and appropriate to the topic.

This video is not meant to add to the debate or woo people to her side. It is flat out laying out the facts with a take no prisoners attitude.

That you think this is condescending and I guess poisonous is interesting to me.

Is this indeed sexism at work? Did you read Crushbug's comment? Do you understand that women are "policed" as to their tone of voice all the time? In fact, your mother's (true) advice that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar is actually the internalized oppression that we women struggle with all the time. Be sweet, be kind, be oblique. Manipulate your (male) partner into doing what you want by leading him to think it is his idea.

Just writing this out is making my stomach hurt. It is so poisonous, the suppression of free human expression that women are subjected to in so many cultures. (Think of young Japanese girls who cover their mouths coyly when they laugh.)

Having said all this, please don't think that I believe that men are the evil oppressors. Men have a different pressure put on them that distorts their psyches -- "be a man" is just as deadly as "be sweet".

I was just saying to a friend the other day -- I was wondering how it screws up little boys' heads when daddy leaves the house for a week long business trip, and tells his 4 year old son "You're the man of the house now. Take care of your mother." Good lord. He's a child! He needs her to take care of him!

Anyway. There is much that I agree with in your long and thoughtful response. I just don't think that these ideas are appropriately applied to this comedy video. As you sort of implied with your addendum.

Mordhaus says...

thanks for the promote!

bareboards2 said:

*promote

If anything needs promoting in a grumpy world, it is this.

PS A lot of this good work being done is because of the Gates and Clinton Foundations. Two people who have been vilified on other fronts. So more good news -- you don't have to be perfect to be a positive force.

bareboards2 says...

Who's a love muffin?

Who's a Sift Goddess?

The great Anonymous Meatbag who gave me two points!

Thanks!

siftbot said:

You just received a gift of 2 Power Points from an anonymous meatbag. Spend them well, and make your generous benefactor proud.

eric3579 says...

Saw your comment in comment thread so though id chime in

How it works is if its promoted before it gets 10 votes it starts the 3 days from the point of time of the promote. If promoted after 10 votes then 3 days applies to original time of posting.

bareboards2 said:

A question I have had for awhile....

http://videosift.com/video/If-Google-were-just-Some-Guy

http://videosift.com/video/Double-Caste-South-African-Comedian-talks-Apartheid

The Google vid is older than the Double Caste vid. I thought it would fall off the Top Vids when the google vid hit 3 days. Instead, it is still up two hours after it hit 3 days, while the Double Caste vid fell off.

Someone told me that it had to do with whether it was promoted or not, but when I asked in the past, someone -- either you or dag -- said no. Three days and out.

Doesn't really matter. I'm just curious. And I know you like examples!

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